I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
