Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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