It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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