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I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
