That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
