Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Your tits are I can't wait for
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
