but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
