I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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