i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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