it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
