Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
