The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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