Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its about making memories worth repressing
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
