If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
