I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
