in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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