i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just threw up on my dentist
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
