Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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