I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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