I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
