She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
