just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
