You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
