I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
