going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She's the barista slut.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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