I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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