Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
