Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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