In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
