I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
