That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
