I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
