Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
