you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
