I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Be still, my beating vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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