maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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