those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
