too bad you live with your parents still
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
