He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
