Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
