i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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