He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
