I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
