Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize