im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
