In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
