don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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