Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
