i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
