just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
