Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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