3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
