Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
