I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
