it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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