Got a toothbrush?
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
